To: New York(ers)
From: Your friendly neighborhood virgin
Subject: VIRGIN AND THE CITY
Perhaps you’ve heard.
A virgin is coming. And now you’re wondering who she is, what she is, where she is and why she is... Well, for all of that, you must wait until the launch of the site.
For now all you should know is that I’m not 40, I don’t walk in heels, own a thong, knot cherry stems with my tongue, strategically lick ice cream cones, knowingly expose cleavage or understand crotchless underwear. And oh, I’ve never made it to first base either. First base?
What is it with bases?
I really don’t understand this common correlation between baseball and sex. Yes, Derek Jeter is cute but baseball is boring and only fun when someone’s hitting it out the park. Soccer, now that’s a real sport! 90 Minutes up and down. Too, soccer and virginity have something in common—they’re popular overseas ;)
Meanwhile this American girl lives here, 10110, Temptation Island AKA: Manhattan where the preservation of sexy is serious business. There are Stiletto Strength classes, Toe-bone trimming, Vaginoplasty… Just walking on the streets is a constant invitation to go Nuts 4 Nuts—and sometimes they smell so good and I’m so poor and they’re so cheap that I find myself crossing the road just to get away only to find them at the next block.
And then I stop. And I smell. And I hear the man say, “Sweetheart with a smile like that I’ll give you a bag for a dollar ya want almonds?” And I think to myself… anybody could have these nuts or they’ve been marinating in NYC air all day…And I say, “No sir, cashews please.”
Kidding;)
I really don’t understand this common correlation between baseball and sex. Yes, Derek Jeter is cute but baseball is boring and only fun when someone’s hitting it out the park. Soccer, now that’s a real sport! 90 Minutes up and down. Too, soccer and virginity have something in common—they’re popular overseas ;)
Meanwhile this American girl lives here, 10110, Temptation Island AKA: Manhattan where the preservation of sexy is serious business. There are Stiletto Strength classes, Toe-bone trimming, Vaginoplasty… Just walking on the streets is a constant invitation to go Nuts 4 Nuts—and sometimes they smell so good and I’m so poor and they’re so cheap that I find myself crossing the road just to get away only to find them at the next block.
And then I stop. And I smell. And I hear the man say, “Sweetheart with a smile like that I’ll give you a bag for a dollar ya want almonds?” And I think to myself… anybody could have these nuts or they’ve been marinating in NYC air all day…And I say, “No sir, cashews please.”
Kidding;)
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