TRY IT BEFORE YOU BUY IT

Today I stopped and took a moment to adjust my breasts because the left one seemed to shift. I blame the new bra-- wrong size perhaps? But listen sometimes a girl's gotta do...
But boy did I receive some stares (though no skin during the 15 second adjustment was exposed ) and it hit me, all day everyday men adjust their testicles in this city like it's nothin.
Yes, I am aware of testicular adjustments.
Virgins are not blind, well some are but you get what I'm saying.
Listen, when you're being talked to amidst a testicular adjustment, you can't help but be aware. And when you're standing on the subway in front ...and then when...yeah.
One time, mid testicular adjustment, my friend says, "It's so hot out here my balls are sweaty."
Ew!
Two, once to get around all the traffic on 42nd trying to get to the post office between 8th and 9th Avenue (that post office is the most expedient and friendliest of all post offices that I've experienced in New York) to beat the foot traffic that is 42nd St. I took it to the street--literally--that's where I passed behind a hot dog cart and caught a vendor scratching himself furiously--hand all the way in pants.
Not kosher!
That was the day I gave up food carts.
And I'll probably never think of hot dogs the same--in fact, I've given them up too.
Some perverted reader is thinking but you've never had a real hot dog-- well , guess what--Lord willing, I won't until I'm married.

This reminds me of a quote I read attributed to Gloria Steinem.

She said,
"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after."
Sorry MS.
I don't beg to differ.
I differ.
Perhaps I can make virginity Fourth Wave Feminism?
First rule of business, semblance.
clothing to be exact.
This is something that has been bothering me oh since the 7th grade.
Can someone tell me why let's say at concerts and things where t-shirts are sold do they call t-shirts for women/girls babydoll t-shirts? Go ahead and Google image it and see what pops up. Dolls don’t.
And unfortunately this tiny tee has led to a nation of women wearing shirts that do not fit. A "babydoll" Large is not a regular Large. It's like trying to squeeze a toddler in a shirt made for a Barbie.
Um?
Maybe Susan Jacoby is right?
Hmm.

Perhaps it's our new-age dumbness tha has led to this massive movement of muffin tops in this country.

Muffin tops have made their way to the streets, home and office. It's like commonplace now because it IS so commonplace now to wear the wrong size. Sigh. Everyone is jumping off the bridge.
Anna Wintour care to explore this? Wait. Your readers don't have this problem--muffins (carbs) (hello). I know, I know. Too they have the two Ts to keep them from spilling over--that's tailors and trainers.
But really who decided that it would be cute to label and desize us medium/small sized income women/girls?
It's not cute.
I have an idea.
I think that companies started getting leftover shirts at a discount from Asian countries where the women are smaller and thus just thought of a cute way to market these tees and voila--(excuse my French) the shit don't fit! And we must quit.
Please, I don't understand girls, why do we hate going up a size if that is the size that fits?
Denial--it ain't just a river in AFRICA.
Ladies, we are more than a number! Do you know that for the first time in life we have women dying to be a 0. A zero? What is a zero? And pretty soon will apparel come in negative sizes?

I think it'll happen. Some really rich bored woman will have her designer friend create her a size -1.
Please email me if you're interested in Fourth Wave Feminism--and as soon as I figure out what it is exactly--I'll be sure to email you!